If anyone tried to offer me beer, I’d probably see them like the chairman of Iron Chef America. I just don’t drink beer. k?
“Would you like some… BEEEEEOOOOOHHHH”
Tech Support: Hello … how can I help you?
Customer: Well, after much consideration, I’ve decided to install
Love. Can you guide me through the process?
Tech Support: Yes. I can help you. Are you ready to proceed?Customer: Well, I’m not very technical, but I think I’m ready. What do I do first?
Tech Support: The first step is to open your Heart. Have you
located your Heart?Customer: Yes, but there are several other programs running now.
Is it okay to install Love while they are running?
Tech Support: What programs are running ?
Customer: Let’s see, I have Past Hurt, Low Self-Esteem, Grudge
and Resentment running right now.Tech Support: No problem, Love will gradually erase Past Hurt
from your current operating system. It may remain in your permanent
memory but it will no longer disrupt other programs. Love will
eventually override Low Self-Esteem with a module of its own called High
Self-Esteem. However, you have to completely turn off Grudge and
Resentment. Those programs prevent Love from being properly installed.
Can you turn those off ?Customer: I don’t know how to turn them off. Can you tell me how?
Tech Support: With pleasure. Go to your start menu and invoke
Forgiveness. Do this as many times as necessary until Grudge and
Resentment have been completely erased.
Customer: Okay, done! Love has started installing itself. Is that
normal?
Tech Support: Yes, but remember that you have only the base
program. You need to begin connecting to other Hearts in order to get
the upgrades.
Customer: Oops! I have an error message already. It says, “Error
- Program not run on external components.” What should I do?Tech Support: Don’t worry. It means that the Love program is set
up to run on Internal Hearts, but has not yet been run on your Heart. In
non-technical terms, it simply means you have to Love yourself before
you can Love others.
Customer: So, what should I do?
Tech Support: Pull down Self-Acceptance; then click on the
following files: Forgive-Self; Realize Your Worth; and Acknowledge your
Limitations.Customer: Okay, done.
Tech Support: Now, copy them to the “My Heart” directory. The
system will overwrite any conflicting files and begin patching faulty
programming. Also, you need to delete Verbose Self-Criticism from all
directories and empty your Recycle Bin to make sure it is completely
gone and never comes back.
Customer: Got it. Hey! My heart is filling up with new files.
Smile is playing on my monitor and Peace and Contentment are copying
themselves all over My Heart. Is this normal?
Tech Support: Sometimes. For others it takes awhile, but
eventually everything gets it at the proper time. So Love is installed
and running. One more thing before we hang up. Love is Freeware. Be sure
to give it and its various modules to everyone you meet. They will in
turn share it with others and return some cool modules back to you.Customer: Thank you, God.
Its been a while and I’m a bit sleepy. So let me just list a few changes in my life.
- Broke up with K.
- Together with S.
- O. got engaged.
- Hanging out with friends more.
- Focusing more on art and reading.
- Greatly inspired to do something… just something i can’t put into words.
- Cheap lil laptop which is the same price as the mini netbook i was going to get. (limited mini netbook or cheap laptop priced equally as the mini netbook).
1. The break up was bad at first. REALLY bad. He rode a bus for 27 hours just to see me and what happened? It wasn’t supposed to happen the way it did. I felt nothing. 4-5 years of building up expectations and scenarios in my head and dreams brought a kind of emptiness in that hug. There was simply nothing. Maybe he was right and it was stolen away by S. Maybe my friends were right when they said I’ve created an idealllistic image of this guy I’ve never met and when we did meet it wasn’t what I thought it would be. Maybe it’s both. Maybe its something else. I had fun hanging out but felt nothing romantically towards him. It hurt me so much to find that my heart wasn’t there. It was painful seeing how much I hurt him. He got out of my car and I sat there numb and unable to move. I couldn’t bear to look at him. He left without even a hug and I felt like shit. The door closed and my world collapsed. That was the worst drive home I’ve ever had to go through. I regretted everything that happened up to that point. I couldn’t even bear to give him a hug. I couldn’t stop crying that day and night. I talked to my friends. I even talked to S. Talking to K the days following were still rough and still difficult. For now he’s in Vietnam and I’m praying this time away from eachother will help him heal because so far it is helping me. I’m finally finding myself again which is something I haven’t been able to do in a long time. When did I even lose myself. It’s been years..
2. S. He’s the only person to make me feel happiness. Happiness is all there is. I’m not naiive. I know eventually it will end and that end will be painful but I do hope I’ve grown enough to be tough and manage the pain. Even waiting for the pain, that I hope will never come, I’m happy. Do I know what love is? I still can’t answer that. I know I do not want to hurt him again, to leave him again.
3. OH MY EFFFING GAWD! She got engaged! strangely enough we, the friends, are more excited about this than she is. It brought her to the conclusion that she accepts the marriage but not the idea of marriage. That epiphany brought trouble to her relationship with M. I told them both that I saw O saying yes, but didn’t see her walking down the isle for another few years. She’s not ready to get married but she’s ready for a strong commitment. I hope they do manage to work things out.
4. Since high school my friends and I have been making many promises and hopful dreams to just meet and hang out. Until recently we’ve been failing at this. Thank god we learned that we all don’t have to be together, it could just be 2 or 3 of us going out. Lately I made it a goal to hang out with O and N no matter what because of the above situation. The 3 of us seem to have some trouble with relationship and need plenty of advice. Why we even bother going to each other (us having our own troubles) is a mystery to me, but today we made a realization that we all need a straight guy best friend who will without a doubt not have any interest in us present and future. He would be the source or a guy’s perspective on our relationship woes.
5/6. I’ve been able to read more and focus on my arts and crafts. I’m at this point in my life (again) where I’m so easily inspired to read, write, and create things. This also has its cons. Having so much to do I never know where to start. Hence I don’t start for a long long while. There’s a quote that says if we wait for the moment when everything is perfect/ready, we would never begin.
7. I’ve been wanting to get a mini netbook for some time now. Just a little something that can store xamount of photos and browse the interwebz. But I found this equally priced laptop which is more efficient than the mini netbook (primarily this has a cd/dvd drive). So why not? Same price as the mini netbook and I can still save up for a Mac. :) Smexy, smexy Mac..
Something I’ve come to realize, yet again, THINGS CHANGE. No matter what It can not be helped. No matter how much you want to hold onto something it will change. Feelings, emotions, people, circumstances, priorities, THINGS CHANGE. I hope I won’t be so surprised when I find myself wondering what happened and why the world around me looks and feels so different.
There’s so much I want to say but I still can’t find the words.. as always..
Screw You
I’ve got so many questions in my mind.
I’ve got so many answers to find.
Can you be the man I’ve imagined?
Am I imagical enough for this to happen?Because I like you
I like you
I like you
I like youAnd like can lead to like-like,
and like-like can lead to love.
Sure as the stars above, I’d really like to kiss (screw) youCan I be the man you’re looking for?
Can I be your girl forever more?
I’ll try real hard not to lose her.
And I’ll try to be less of a loser.Because I like you.
I like you.
I like you.
I like you.And like can lead to like-like,
and like-like can lead to love.
Sure as the stars above I’d really like to kiss (screw) you, screw (kiss) you, kiss (screw) you, screw (kiss) you…
Screw you.
Twitter of the week:
4:44 i wish for things to get better
WISHES DO COME TRUE! hello forever21 job interview.. Wish me luck :) tomorrow at 4
This month has started off pretty chaotic, but I had a job interview for Forever21 yesterday where Michelle the store manager seemed to have liked me. After a quick little interview Nicole, an assistant manager talked to me for a bit and noted I used to work at A’GACI. Towards the end she gave me a slight hint that I was a shoe-in for the job but I was still worrisome. Michelle talks to me again and tells me she’d call me on Thursday to let me know if I got it, but she called that very night. SMEXY!
I’m still very thankful for the opportunity A’GACI gave me and helping me break out of my shell. A relief from that drama was needed! I’m hearing after I left there was drama left and right. Even the new co-manager hates working there, the older co-manager is about to leave, and the store manager wants to demote herself and be a co-manager at another location. The place is just a mess :(
Soul-mate comes home to find his house robbed. What makes it worse is those tiny events that happened in the day that could’ve prevented it or ending up with a different outcome. These were high school kids. I fear for the future sometimes but I still try and reserve some hope in the world.
Let’s face it, I’m not a very religious person but I do like the idea of giving something up even if its just for 40 days and 40 nights.
The best thing I’ve given up in my past was cursing. I hardly ever curse anymore and it makes me feel better about myself.
This year I want to give up stupid decisions. (if at all possible.) There are somethings I’ve done that I know I shouldn’t be doing in the first place. It’s these actions / decisions that have made me hate myself.
Everyone’s doing it, but I’m choosing to do it here rather than Facebook. And I’m dividing it into 5’s
Basic Facts:
- My full first name is Jamie Kathryn. Sometimes I wish people would refer to me as Jamie Kathryn instead of just Jamie.
- My favorite color is GREEN. I collect green stuffed animals starting with a green puppy I got as a birthday present on my 18th birthday.
- I love my mommy. My lola’s. My lolo’s. My siblings. My aunts. My uncles. My cousins. My friends. My soul mate. I love them all. Did I forget anyone.. My dad? No I hate him.
- I love IKEA. One day.. whenever I move out I want to decorate my entire apartment / house solely in IKEA furniture.
- I’ve lost myself so listing 25 random things will probably take me some time. At least I have a few people I can count on to help me find myself again. These are the people worth hanging onto in my life. They’re the ones keeping me in check and the ONLY ones who’ve noticed I was gone. [My soul mate. My best friends. My mother. My grandmother.]
Emo Facts:
- The best friends I’ve ever had are guys. Guys who live too far for me to hang out with. My girl friends? They live close but are always too busy to even bother with a phone call or text message.. or any other form of messaging devices available in this century. At one point or another these guy friends of mine end up falling for the wrong girl (me) and either I lose them or they easily fall for another girl. Sorry, I love my soul mate.
- I’m a hopeless romantic. I believe in soul mates and I believe I’ve found mine. I am scared to death of losing him or one of us finding someone else. I want to believe “he’s the one” and at the same time scared he isn’t. I’m scared I’m not his soul mate. I’m scared I’ll never be good enough for him. I’m scared because I still believe he deserves better than me. I’m scared but I still look forward to our “One Days..” He is the only person who will ever understand me and know me better than anyone else (including myself.) He’s helped me get this far and got me to become the kind of person I wanted to be (even though she’s lost right now) and I have faith he’ll help me find her again. One Day..
- Sometimes I wish One Day would come sooner because sometimes waiting is too hard.
- I lost myself somewhere in this past year, or last few months. The only things that have changed in my life that could have possibly be the reason for losing myself is work. I started working with these wonderful people who have helped me out of this shell I was trapped in. I was extremely shy and had trouble carrying conversations with people I hardly know. I’m much more outgoing and definitely louder than what I used to be. (Yes i was even quieter than what I am right now.) Work brought out this louder side of me which led me to talking and opening up more to a lot of new people. (Some of these people I probably shouldn’t have been opening up to in the first place since I’m a hopeless romantic.) It left my best friend saying, “I miss the old Jamie. The good girl Jamie.”
- Back to the hopeless romanticism, I fall in love easily. I fall hard and fast. I can easily get swept away with the right lines, the right words, and the right body language. My soul mate works hard to keep me in check but I’m mostly oblivious. I’m sorry. <3
Art Facts:
- I love art.
- I wish I could call myself an artist but I can’t because an artist can actually MAKE something creative. I lack creativity and the things I do make seem so crappy to me. I leaves me feeling unfulfilled.
- There was a postsecret that summed up how I feel about me and my “art.” I forget the exact words but the message was clear to me. I’m trying to write it out but I can’t. I simply can’t. Hopefully I will be able to find that secret and post it for you here.
- I enjoy art for the beauty and messages it brings to people.
- I want to be an art teacher because I don’t think I’ll be able to do anything else with my life and with what I enjoy.
Future Facts:
- I’m afraid I wont have a future.
- I screwed up so many times in my past my present is pretty much f’ed and my future is blank.
- If I don’t have a future with my soul mate, I’m 90% sure I’ll be that creepy old cat lady..
- I want to be a house wife if not an art teacher.
- I’d rather die young than to suffer dying old. But for my soul mate I’ll live as long as I’m with him.
Last Facts:
- I think I think too much.
- I’m a walking cliche.
- I like using unique phrases / terms
1. smexy = (adj.)sexy “That’s smexy.”
2. ninja = (n.)one who sneaks in / out “Are you going to be a ninja tonight?”
2b. (v.) to sneak in / out “No ninja-ing tonight.”
3. emo = (adj.) to be emotional / upset “Are you feeling emo?”
4. rawr = (adj.) see smexy. - I relate my life to songs / movies / books. Recently I was feeling like Angela from The Office.
- I want to love my job. I want to love my life. But most of all I want to fall in love. [MxPx - First Day of the Rest of Our Lives]
Khai love: 2/5/2009 3:51 PM:
noo, i accidently deleted the thing called Akward much on your wordpress D:
R.I.P post whose contents I don’t remember..
HA.
a lime with a day old jr. whopper… YUM!!
